The art of the friendly wave

I had to go to Fedex/Kinko's today (possibly one of the levels of hell?) and on my way home I made an observation. The observation is that nobody does the friendly wave anymore. You know what I'm talking about, right? The "hey I'm about to cut you off and make you slam on your brakes but I'm going to wave and that makes it ok" wave. When did this go out of style? Wasn't this taught in drivers ed? And I have to say it's worse in Florida than anywhere else I have been.

I am a fan of the wave though, and use it to my advantage. I was at my friend Mitch's house one time and his mom taught me the art of the wave. Seriously, what she taught me should be taught in drivers ed. If there was such a thing as a PhD in waving, she would totally be the first recipient. She taught me how to not only wave, but wave and get across all lanes of the Dan Ryan by just flashing a smile. Yeah! In rush hour no less! She also taught me how to inject vodka in an orange at football games, but I digress. Here is how you wave/smile your way across all lanes of traffic during rush hour on the Dan Ryan (please do not try this at home unless you have been certified by either myself or Mitch's Mom):

Step 1: Put blinker on
Step 2: Tilt head forward and make sure the person in the car next to you is a male (if you are a male make sure it is a female). If the person is not a male simply smile and drive forward until you find a male.
Step 3: Inch forward so you are in their frame of view and tilt head even further forward
Step 4: Smile, bat eyes, and motion to cut over
Step 5: Continue smiling while waving and slipping in front of their car
Step 6: Repeat steps 1-5 until across all lanes

See how simple that is? And it totally works! So don't forget to wave people! It does pay off :)